Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
