My hand turned me down
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
