I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
