When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
