it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
