Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
