So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
