Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
