I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
