he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
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Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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