You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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