i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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