I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
