Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
