Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
