Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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