I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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