420 ftw
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
