But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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