You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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