Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
