There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
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