vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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