I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
