She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
