Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
where are my pants?
in the oven.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
