I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
