actually, I'm a sock model
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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