i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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