On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
