We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
