I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a burrito and a hug.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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