xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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