he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Terrible idea I love it
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
