Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
