The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
P.S. I can't hear my feet
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
