Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
