I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
