yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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