Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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