even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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