You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
