My pussy is not your playground.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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