I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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