We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
