YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
