dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
