Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
