why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
