I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize