i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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