And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
