please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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