i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
