Walk of Shame. In a state park.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
