Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
