Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
