I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
