When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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