Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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