In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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