All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
