how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
