yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize