I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
